tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post8552241619558574878..comments2023-10-31T11:20:17.543-04:00Comments on Pleasantly Furious: Raising a Toddler in a Gendered WorldAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13584623209829015563noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-25285127351780011742011-10-10T11:29:54.091-04:002011-10-10T11:29:54.091-04:00I love our preschool because it is super gender-ne...I love our preschool because it is super gender-neutral focused. I think there are even some trans teachers. The boys dress up in tutus all the time and they are all encouraged to just use their imaginations and be who they want!<br /><br />On another note, we have friends who are two moms and both pretty gender neutral, certainly not outwardly feminine. Their 3-year-old girl is obsessed with dresses and princesses and makeup. It's hilarious! They're always like, "So, Taylor painted my nails. Now I have a manicure!"Paigehttp://www.spitthatoutthebook.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-66391287926545136382011-10-03T11:07:06.707-04:002011-10-03T11:07:06.707-04:00It's fun to read about how other queer familie...It's fun to read about how other queer families navigate gender. I feel like there is a serious tendency, even for those of us who like to challenge gender assumptions, to fall back pretty quickly into gendered expectations as soon as our kids demonstrate a stereotypically traditional preference. <br /><br />I'm not in favor of imposing what doesn't fit for my son Miles, but I keep working not to assume X, Y, and Z boy preferences are true for him just because he adheres to V and W. For example, I keep circling back to art work even though he hardly ever sat still for it when he was younger. He preferred balls, then cars, and now trains to anything else. But I would occasionally reintroduce art work even though it felt fruitless, and now he actually gets it out all by himself almost every day.<br /> <br />Meanwhile, when I reintroduce his doll and try to spark nurturing play, he immediately takes its clothes off and throws it on the floor. He shouts, "You be the Papa, Papa!" as he circles the dining room table with the doll stroller full of matchbox cars.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-77574822411512445802011-10-01T22:14:40.586-04:002011-10-01T22:14:40.586-04:00I really worked hard when Bliss was a baby to rais...I really worked hard when Bliss was a baby to raise him gender neutral. At about 2.5-3 he picked out 2 dresses from Target he wanted and I bought them and he wore them for a time. I have always said all the colors are for all and still do. But then one day he told me not to put his hair in the ponytail I did often because it was for girls???!!!??? We had numerous male friends in our lives with ponytails and he was always with me and not very exposed to anything. It bummed me a lot and we worked on it but it continued with all sorts of things for a while. As time has gone by though he has come to speak loudly about equality of genders, so much so we had to recently have a talk about oppression and girl power being ok. <br /><br />Looking back it was likely all part of the individuation process but it crushed me for a time. He leans towards some stereotypical boy stuff but he is also the most nurturing of any of his friends male or female.bleuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00467701792949981337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-47950806108744038102011-09-30T19:47:19.075-04:002011-09-30T19:47:19.075-04:00Loved reading this post, thanks so much! We try to...Loved reading this post, thanks so much! We try to do similar thing - and probably have an easier time of it because there is more social acceptability of girls doing "boy" things than vice versa (I can buy boys clothes easily, etc). Looking forward to more posts on this topic!anofferingoflovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14787985680863798995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-62238143599086601232011-09-30T10:17:42.259-04:002011-09-30T10:17:42.259-04:00yeah, i hear you! thanks for sharing.
one of m...yeah, i hear you! thanks for sharing. <br /><br />one of my hopes is to find a way for raven to learn that (self-defined) gender can be a real source of pleasure, and to separate out *my* feelings and experiences from hers. it's tough, though. i'm trying to do gender-neutral, gender-flexible, and just non-gender-oppressive stuff for clothes and books and toys and experiences, but it's a gamble given the larger world we live in, even the bubble of west philly.<br /><br />phew.CChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14862352684188771553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-83092779922040009382011-09-30T08:47:55.532-04:002011-09-30T08:47:55.532-04:00In terms of clothes, we've had a lot of luck w...In terms of clothes, we've had a lot of luck with H&M kids. There's a lot of girls stuff without ruffles (Will has a fabulous pair of raspberry colored jean type pants from there) and the boys clothes tend to be a bit less macho, with lots of gender neutral orange, green and red items too. Will gets mistaken for a girl at least once a day, but I think it's more because he's so damn pretty (although it could be the raspberry colored jeans).Boohttp://www.figboiler.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-18203563084301726902011-09-30T01:42:23.477-04:002011-09-30T01:42:23.477-04:00You're doing great. As a"straight" c...You're doing great. As a"straight" couple were mix it up too. Joey loves manicures, minus the polish after kids teased him about his lovely red nails and had me make him a man bag a.k.a. Purse. Marysa and Tanner love boy clothes and basketball. Declan has pink sheets on his bed, lots of babies and loves to play dress up in dresses and hats. Sonny he's pretty much a gender stereo type until it comes to favorite movies. Hey likes a good princess movie. I'm the yard man and Warren is the cook including all grocery shopping. Keep up the great works. If nothing else I bet you'll foster a strong sence of self. I sure hope I do. Enjoy your baby the don't stay small long.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14901879766055271171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3023121558075366461.post-81156522643267306972011-09-29T23:27:17.885-04:002011-09-29T23:27:17.885-04:00"I hope we are able to foster these qualities..."I hope we are able to foster these qualities and keep them intact as the world sends him the message that they are weak and un-manly." THIS.<br /><br />I feel like we do pretty well here too. We have a diaper with flowers and are open with clothes - Mostly mix-matched secondhand separates. Other people can be a real pain in the ass - TWO people made "Oh, but this won't work for a boy; it's PINK" comments at his birthday party. I laid down the law on them a bit as statements like that really make my head hurt. I feel like I'll have to keep a close eye on my father-in-law especially. Luckily the men on my side of the family are great examples of sensitive yet masculine non-stereotypical dudes. :) My mother buys most of Seb's toys at this point and she is very gender-neutral in her choices and parenting.<br /><br />Side note: I am super jealous of Leo's cute couch and kitchen!Janine @ Alternative Housewifehttp://alternativehousewife.comnoreply@blogger.com