Sunday, May 6, 2012
State Of The Mama
Physically - At 33 1/2 weeks I'm pretty tired and uncomfortable. While I do think this pregnancy has been significantly harder on me than the last one, I do know that in the grand scheme of difficult pregnancies I have it really easy. I'm dealing with pretty severe upper back pain and joint pain. My feet are swelling and my hands are constantly falling asleep. I seem to ping back and forth between starving and heartburn. (I got heartburn from a bowl of cereal!) Still, I'm moving around, trying to walk a bit each day (even if I do it huffing and puffing), and *mostly* keeping up with Leo.
Emotionally - My emotional baseline is pretty touch and go to begin with. I've never been good at holding back tears or not taking things personally - so the hormone cocktail that is pregnancy makes me rather....unpredictable emotionally. This isn't unique to this pregnancy - I remember when I was pregnant with Leo I bawled inconsolably because as I was eating cookies and milk my cookie got too soggy while dunking and broke and fell into my milk. Even after jb brought me a fresh glass of milk and new cookies I couldn't stop crying.
This time around isn't much different. Just last week I had a public cry-fest. When we were in New York I took Leo to ride the ferris wheel at Toys'R'Us upon the recommendation of a friend. I never would have thought to make it a destination, but it was a block from our hotel and it sounded simple and fun. As soon as we walked in, Leo's face lit up. "Go round and round! Leo ride it!" My hormones were already pumping - and I had happy tears in my eyes from seeing him so excited.
I bought a ticket (bonus: he's still a couple weeks shy of being two, so he rides free!) and we stood in line. When it was our turn we boarded the car and the attendant, noticing I was pregnant, said, "Since you are expecting you can't have him on your lap, he needs to sit on his own side." Okie dokie, no problem - I handed him my ticket. He looked at me expecting a second ticket and I told him Leo was not yet two - and he informed me that children under two MUST sit on an adult's lap. Catch 22. And we had to deboard.
I began crying. Leo was going to be so disappointed. He was so excited to ride! I cried harder. I was the very pregnant, blubbering lady carrying a toddler being escorted off the ride. Embarrassing. The kicker was that poor little Leo kept saying and signing, "I'm sorry, Mama. It's ok, Mama." I called jb (making her step out of her work meeting) and she calmed me down assuring me that she'd come back with us that evening to ride with Leo. And she did and Leo loved it - and I felt silly.
Spiritually - I'm feeling really good about becoming a family of four. I know the transition will be challenging - but I'm over my first-trimester momentary crisis of "Oh crap, what have we done!" I'm feeling really supported (especially by my forever patient and helpful partner) and like the addition of bug is going to be a positive thing for everyone in our family. I'm also feeling good about writing. I do wish I was posting here more often - but I did just finish up my last 8-wk column series over at Cafe Mom (which helps with the bills and makes me feel like a 'real' writer). I was proud to get a guest post spot over at Baby Center's Momformation blog, and will soon be syndicated over at MetroKids' Mom Speak.
The most exciting thing in my professional life? I'm in the Philly cast of Listen To Your Mother!!! If you are in Philadelphia (or can make it here for the show) please buy a ticket and come see it. It's going to be an awesome show. I am honored and humbled to be on the list of amazing people in the cast. Seriously. It's surreal.
I've got a couple other things on the horizon writing-wise, but mostly I'm preparing to wind things down in preparation for baby-mooning. Which makes it especially nice to feel like I'm going out with a bang before a (hopefully) brief hibernation. I still plan to check-in here - and hope you will still read along :)