Friday, June 1, 2012

Don't You Know What Causes That? *Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge*

I'm at the stage in pregnancy where I am obviously pregnant (read: large and swollen) and visibly uncomfortable.  Add to that the rambunctious toddler I always have in tow and I have gotten a lot of sympathetic looks and comments.

(Sidenote: I've also gotten a couple impatient honks because apparently I wasn't moving my pregnant butt and my two year old across the crosswalk quickly enough even though I have the right of way - Philly drivers, you are the woooooorst.)

Mostly comments have been along the lines of, "You sure are going to have your hands full!" or "Hope that little guy is a good helper!"  I usually just nod and smile.

Well, just this week I got the oh-so-clever, "Don't you know what causes that?" while pointing at my belly and followed by a creepy wink.  I was already having a bad day.  See the above mentioned honking, the weather was brutal and Leo and I were late for our nap.  Even without all that, though - Ew!  I was in no mood to be making small talk about sex with a stranger, not to mention my offense at the implication that this pregnancy is unwanted/I'm dumb/I'm having too many kids (at two!), AND not to mention that clearly HE doesn't know what causes this.

I don't consider myself humorless or prude.  I suppose the joke could be funny if you had that type of relationship with the person you were making it to - but no.  No, no, no.  So, after a moment to compose myself I said slowly and clearly, "Yes, I know exactly what causes it.  My lesbian partner and I choose donor sperm, monitor for ovulation, make a doctor's appointment for intrauterine insemination, wait a couple weeks, test to see if it worked and then nine months later there's a baby."

My guess is that he won't be making that joke to strangers in the future.

13 comments:

  1. Krista6/01/2012

    I snorted out loud reading this. What a great retort! Serves him right and thank you for making my night. :-)

    Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, I've had drivers honk at me while I'm out running through an intersection with the right of way. RUNNING. Philly drivers seem to think a green light gives them the right to turn without even momentary interference from pesky pedestrians. Sigh.

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  2. I think you handled a dumb comment with a tremendous amount of poise and class. It's amazing the stupid things people will say sometimes.

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  3. Laurie White6/02/2012

    I liked you immediately when I heard you read at LTYM. This is another reason why. Well done, mama.

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  4. Martha Kasper6/02/2012

    Go girl! People really need to THINK before they speak.
    Aren't you glad the weather has cooled down a bit?

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  5. I love Philly, but the drivers really are aggressive! I don't trust them as far as I can throw them!

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  6. Well, thank you. I've gotten my fair share of dumb comments, but usually I have a little more patience on hand...

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  7. Thanks! LTYM was pretty awesome. So thrilled I got to be a part of it!

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  8. The weather is amazing today. I could have just sat outside all day. I kind of did. We had our babyshower picnic and it was just the perfect day for it!

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  9. Some people just don't know how to keep their mouths shut! Rude Rude Rude!

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  10. There's something about pregnancy especially that makes people lose their filter! We've heard quite some choice comments/questions.

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  11. Shannon6/04/2012

    I remember when I was pregnant with my 3rd (and last!) baby someone who works with my husband told me that I was in for a really hard time and didn't I realize how much work I had in store for me? Wow ma'am no I didn't, I guess I better not continue on, huh? People amaze me sometimes! (BTW that baby is now 7 and the easiest of the three!)

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  12. YUSSSS. I am so glad that you actually SAID that instead of just thinking it in your head. You are my HERO.

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  13. Anonymous8/14/2012

    That is pretty funny. It somehow goes that you walk around with this little secret and then upon showing commentary abounds. The charms of city living!

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