Monday, November 11, 2013

Bad Word Alternatives

I've never had a terribly dirty mouth, but I do get a certain amount of satisfaction from using curse words when the situation seems to call for it. Of course these days, with little ones around who repeat everything they hear, I try my best to not drop the F-bomb or other major swear words as I go about my day.  Parenting 101, right?

I thought I was doing pretty well - saying "eff!" instead of the full word, or "crap!" instead of the S-word.  But I quickly realized those "cleaned up" versions still didn't sound so innocent when parroted by a two year old - so back to the drawing board.  I adopted a couple more-funny-than-angry words to use and since I've seen two notable improvements:

1.  I don't mind if/when the kids repeat these words.  In fact, I find it hilarious.
2.  That feeling you get that makes you want to say bad words in the first place?  When you say silly words, it softens the feeling a little.  Sometimes it even makes you laugh.

Ideally, I'd have enough control over my emotions and temper that I'd never have to make any kind of negative exclamation...but that's not the case.  Not even close.  I often get frustrated, angry, or exasperated...and I want to let the four letter words fly.  There is something therapeutic about spitting out a swear word in a nasty situation, but it doesn't feel good be constantly muttering curse words under your breath.  And I think I've had bad words on the tip of my tongue too often - so this switch to silly words has helped not only my kids' innocent vocabulary, but my own state of mind.

Anyway, lately, I've had ample opportunity to use replacements for swear words - thank you very much stomach flu.  The same two or three phrases were getting old and I was looking to mix it up a little, so I asked friends on Facebook what their favorite bad word alternatives were.  I got an avalanche of funny options - some that I am incorporating into my own rotation, and some that might be a good fit for other families.  I couldn't keep all this faux swearing to myself - so here are some of my favorites:
  • Arugula
  • Biscuits and Gravy
  • Blakety-Blank
  • Blasted
  • Blerg
  • Chaps my Cheddar
  • Cheese and Crackers
  • Cheese and Rice
  • Cheese-its!
  • Chihuahua
  • Chinguentes
  • Crabcakes
  • Cuss (a la Fantastic Mr. Fox)
  • Dagnabbit
  • Dump Truck
  • Drat
  • Ever-lovin'
  • Fiddlesticks
  • Flunk
  • For the Love of (George)
  • Foxtrot
  • Frak
  • Fudge Nuts
  • Geez Louise
  • Geez-Oh-Pete
  • Geez-ow
  • Gobble-Di-Gook
  • Guacamole
  • Jiminy Crickets
  • Mango
  • Melon Farmer
  • Mother of Pearl
  • Nuts
  • Pa-tooey
  • Peanut-Butter-Jelly
  • Pickles
  • Poop on a Stick
  • Shitaki Mushrooms
  • Shut the Front Door
  • Skribbits
  • Son of a (Bee Sting)
  • Son of a Biscuit
  • Sufferin' Sucotash
  • Sugar
  • Sweet Baby Llamas
  • Tarnation
  • What the funk? (this sounds a little too close to the original when repeated by little ones)
  • What the fish?
  • You're full of soup
  • Yowzers
 Do have a favorite that's not on the list?  

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