Bittersweet

What an intense 24 hrs.

Yesterday morning The Supreme Court released a decision that gutted the Voting Rights Act.

Last night Wendy Davis led a 13 hour filibuster that stopped a bill that would have virtually ended abortion rights in Texas.

This morning The Supreme Court declared DOMA unconstitutional and Prop 8 was struck down.

It's been a wild - and conflicted ride.

The invalidation of DOMA and Prop 8 is very moving.  I spent several weeks in CA working against Prop 8 - leading up to that very heartbreaking vote.  I witnessed the protests in the aftermath.  It was a personal fight for me even though I'm not a Californian.  And DOMA - well, obviously.  The decisions brought joy, relief, and a flood of emotion.

Still, I haven't forgotten that the same supreme court, just yesterday dismantled voting rights protections that are still so important.  Not to mention some of the other disappointing decisions handed down this week - with blows to workers rights, people of color, and indigenous people.  It's not all roses and sunshine at SCOTUS.

It was inspiring to watch Wendy Davis (literally) stand up for women - and to see the grassroots activists turn out to stop SB5.  Amazing.

But - how is this bill (and so many other bills legislating women's bodies) even being introduced?  How does it come so close to being passed?

It's hard to wrap my mind around all these highs and lows.  Today, I'm going to focus on today.  We got good news - and I had the fortune of being a room full of LGBT activists when the rulings came down.  Then I got to come home and hug my babies.  We didn't need the Supreme Court to tell us our family is legitimate - but the validation and protections these decisions will provide families like ours are so important.  So - let's celebrate, but also remember that the struggle continues.

A Philly Summer Day

[Thank you so much to everyone who reached out to me about my dad - through comments, social media, e-mail, phone or text.  It felt really, really nice to get that avalanche of love.]

Today we had the perfect Philly summer day (assuming you ignore the City Council letting down the children of Philadelphia by standing by as the public education system is gutted - but that's another post for another day - back to our perfect day).  

We started out the day at home with a hearty breakfast while I packed us up for the day.  The kids could tell we were in for an adventure because it wasn't the usual diaper/water/snack bag.  As they watched me pack a full lunch and breakout the swim suits they knew I meant business.

After breakfast we took a train into Center City - where we admired some of the subway art.

Then we walked over to Sister Cities park where The Academy Of Natural Sciences introduced us to blue tongued skink.  

Zoe was napping at this point so I changed Leo into his swim trunks, slathered him in sunscreen and watched him play in the sprayground area of the park.  He would run towards the sprays - just barely touch them and then run screaming gleefully back to me.  Over and over and over.



When Zoe woke up we sat down in the grass for a snack and I changed her into her suit and gave her a generous layer of sunblock.  Then I let them loose in the wading pond.  They both had a freaking blast and I think they would have stayed in there until nightfall if I let them.









I finally convinced them to get out and dry off with the promise of lunch.  Do you remember that feeling after being in the pool for several hours as a kid?  When you suddenly realize how cold and hungry you are and warm, dry clothes and sunshine feel amazing and any food that is put in front of you tastes like heaven?  Yeah, they totally had that.



So then once they had played hard in the water and the sun and they had full bellies my plan was to walk through town with them until they fell asleep - then I would install myself in a coffee shop and relax for a bit.  I mean they were happy and exhausted - of course they would nap.  Well, they didn't.









I finally gave up on the nap when it was time to meet jb for a school funding rally.  The kids love a protest and were tickled to each have their own sign.  The whole school situation is so scary here - I really don't know what we are going to do when our kids are ready to start kindergarten.



After the rally we finished up the day with yet another picnic.

At the end of the day both Leo and Zoe fell asleep in car on the ride home.  Neither one of them even stirred as we transferred them to their beds and we changed them into pjs.  I think they both had a great day and I hope they look back on their childhood with many memories of fun and sun and engagement and love.

An Agnostic's Orthodox Easter

This Sunday we celebrated Easter.  jb and I both grew up in the Orthodox church which follows the Julian calendar.  While most Christians follow the Gregorian calendar and celebrated Easter back at the end of March, Orthodox Christians are celebrating this week - and we are joining them.

I'm still figuring out what role religion plays in our lives exactly - I think for many queer people, a relationship with religion can be complicated.  Sometimes I think that I want to keep our holidays purely secular and based on celebrating the passing seasons.  I'd like to think of them as a way to maintain tradition and take advantage of the times that most of our country is celebrating.  Sometimes I want to acknowledge something bigger than this life.  I just don't always know what that is.  How much does tradition really count when you aren't sold on the premise?

For now, we are continuing to celebrate Easter/Christmas/Etc. We are doing our best to convey the beliefs behind the holidays to the kids, while also making it clear that people believe many different things and it's ok to not know exactly what you believe.  I also hope that we are modeling the ability to make traditions our own.  I'm heading up the seasonal and more secular traditions - for example dying eggs and planting our garden - and jb is taking the lead on the religious and church affairs.  (Although, we had to abort our midnight Easter service excursion this year because we made the mistake of putting pjs on the kids thinking it would be fine to wake them up at 11 to dress them in church clothes - ha.  Next year back to putting them to bed in the clothes they will wear to church.)

We spent the day at my brother-in-law's home.  The kids had an egg hunt (yes, Zoe could crawl to find some obviously placed eggs all on her own!), we shared a delicious meal, and Leo played (and won) his first game of Uno.  It was lovely.

Leo is pretty much taking holidays - all holidays - at face value.  Although he does have plenty of questions about church, which we do our best to answer.  I'm not looking forward to the day when Leo has questions about religion's role in advocating against families like ours - but I think he will be able to understand that there is good and bad in most things in this world.  We just need to seek out the good.  If the good doesn't outweigh the bad, then that's not for you.

If/When he asks why I was ok making religious based holidays and visits to church a part of our life despite not being sure what I believe and knowing that politically, the "religious" right has not been a friend of ours - I will point to the underlying message of love.  I will point to all the wonderful and kind people of faith in our lives.  I will point to the comfort belief in something bigger than yourself - whether that is god, community, or the universe - can provide. I hope he will see that those advancing hate in the name of god are the ones that are wrong.

"The Gospel message of the Resurrection is as simple as it is radical: We are called to stand for love where hatred persists, to preach compassion where injustice abounds, and to insist on dialogue where division prevails." -Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew

LGBT Equality Comes to City Hall

Are you in Philadelphia? Do you care about protections for LGBT families? What are you doing this Thursday?

As you may know, Councilman Jim Kenney’s comprehensive LGBT equality legislation recently passed unanimously out of committee and is going up for a final vote this Thursday, April 25th during a regular session of City Council.

Supporters of this bill are encouraged to attend Thursday’s final vote (wearing red) at Philadelphia City Hall, Room 400, 10am-12:30pm! (full details below).

From Kenney's office:

Help Pass the Philadelphia LGBT Equality Bill (No. 130224)Sponsored by Councilman Jim Kenney (at-large) Call to Action: Let’s FILL City Council Chambers (please wear red)!
When: FINAL VOTE this Thursday, April 25th – 10:00am-12:30pm
Where: Philadelphia City Hall, Council Chambers (Room 400-North Hallway) – Enter through N.E. Visitors Entrance
Please note: Supporters are asked to refrain from offering repetitive public comment. Wonderful public speakers have already been arranged and we don’t want to belabor the point with an already supportive City Council.

The vote count is very encouraging, but that doesn't mean they don't need us there to support this important bill. We want to make sure every member of City Council feels tremendously supported in their “YES” vote for equality.

Lastly, here are some of the exciting changes the bill will make:

1. Establishes Philadelphia 1st in the U.S. Equality Health Care Tax Credit -- to proactively close the insane gap in LGBT-friendly workplace health care coverage (Only 42% of jobs in Philadelphia offer domestic partners the same health coverage they offer spouses. Less than 10% of Philadelphia jobs offer full transgender-inclusive health coverage). The credit is optional and the Chamber of Commerce has endorsed. 
2. Ends health care discrimination for transgender City employees (1st on the East Coast). 
3. Offers a broad array of new transgender protections to ensure everyday life is increasingly fair. 
4. Creates equality for life partners and transgender Philadelphians by making all City forms LGBT-inclusive. 
5. Cements placement of "life partner" language next to spouse throughout the entire City Code. 

I am going to make every effort to get our family there wearing red. (Believe it or not Zoe has a stomach bug - I know it seems like we've been sick forever!  So we won't go if there are any lingering symptoms) I hope you and your families can attend. It's so important to put faces to these issues. I'm so happy that Councilman Kenney put forth this bill that could have such a positive impact on LGBT families - if only he'd had the same commitment to working families when the earned sick time legislation came to a vote.

See you Thursday!

I Took My Kids To See Martha Graham Cracker And They Survived

The program: The biggest complaint I heard was that
Martha did not actually ride a zebra in the show

Today jb and I took Leo (2.5 yrs) and Zoe (8 mos) to a show featuring Miss Martha Graham Cracker, a beloved local drag performer.   This show was a response to a rescinded invitation from a child care center in Haddonfield, NJ.  They had initially invited Ms. Graham Cracker to read to the kids for National Read Across America Day, but then retracted the invitation when it was deemed "inappropriate."  jb and I were disappointed to hear she had been disinvited, but thrilled at the opportunity to bring our kids to see her perform.

We weren't the only ones - the Christ Church Neighborhood House was packed with other parents who thought their kids would enjoy watching a drag queen read stories and sing songs.  And we were right. The kids (and adults) had a blast.  Martha captivated them from the first moment and had them singing, dancing and giggling throughout the show.  It was delightful.  It was silly.  It was campy.  It was musical.  It was drag cabaret.  And the kids, loved it.   

The line to get into the theater

A packed house awaits

The stage is set

A welcome from the hosts

Ms. Martha Graham Cracker takes the stage

Riveted two year old

Martha reads aloud

A song with Johnny Showcase

This was the first drag performance that our kids have attended - it was not the first for either jb or me.  Have we been to performances that were raunchy?  Sure.  I blush at the mere memory of some of the shows we've been to.  Were we worried that today's show would be inappropriate for our kids?  Not at all.  Drag is not inherently obscene any more so than movies are all rated R.  Artists perform for their audience.  We got our kids John Lithgow's children's CD - and they love it.  Does that mean I would let them watch his depiction of a serial killer on Dexter?  No.  That's ridiculous.  We also wouldn't take them to a bar to watch an 11 PM drag show geared towards adults.  Taking them to see a drag queen read kids' books and sing kids' songs?  Of course!

Gender performance is many things.  It's complex.  It's political.  It's subversive.  It was enough for me to write many a mediocre analysis on as a Women's Studies major during my collegiate years.  Most kids aren't really going to tap into these layers, though.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not against kids examining the politics of gender through satire and parody - I just think it's more likely that they will simply enjoy a vibrant show by a dynamic performer.  Because, after all, gender performance is also pretty simple.  It's fun.  It's absurd.  It's entertaining.

It sounds to me like drag shows and kids go together like rama-lama-ding-dong.

Here is a tiny sampling of what the show offered - including a snippet of Martha's AMAZING jazzy Green Eggs and Ham rendition:



Sad you missed out?  Want to see more shows like this?  Well, you can check her out at the Philadelphia Museum of Art on May 3rd at 5 pm.  This will also be a family friendly show!  Hope to see you there!

Martha's Lament

Have you been following the Martha Graham Cracker story? Basically, a supervisor at Haddonfield Child Care in New Jersey invited Martha, a well known Philly drag performer, to read a Dr. Seuss book to a group of 5-11 year olds in honor of National Read Across America America. So cool, right?

Well, unfortunately, someone complained - calling it inappropriate - and despite some efforts to defend the event, the childcare facility buckled to pressure and the event was cancelled. Major bummer.

The good news is that their loss is our gain.  In response to the controversy, Christ Church Neighborhood House invited Ms. Graham Cracker to read Dr. Suess to kids this Sunday. She will read a book, sing some songs, and generally be fabulous. So if you have kids, you live in the Philly area and you aren't all uptight about gender performance - bring 'em out to Christ Church this Sunday at 2 pm.

How much fun does this sound like!?!

Note: It looks like it will be quite a crowd, and fire codes must be respected, so be prepared for the possibility that not everyone is guaranteed entrance.

Guerrilla Queer Playdate

Remember Guerrilla Queer Bar?  In the early 2000's there was a movement where hundreds of LGBT people (I may have been among them a few times) would descend upon a random bar and make it queer for one night.  It was a phenomenon that was happening in cities across the country and it was quite popular among young queer people.  It was fun - not at all aggressive.  We arrived, spent our money, mingled and danced.  We interacted with the usual (usually non-queer) clientele and answered many "What's going on tonight?" type questions.  We were usually met with interest and bemused surprise.  Much like a dancing flash mob - I guess we were a sort of dancing flashmob.

The motivation was simple - wanting to get out and check out new places without losing the comfort, safety and (not least of all) flirting opportunities of being amongst other queer people.  There were several LGBT bars in my area - and they were fantastic, but there was a whole city full of bars to explore.  Guerrilla Queer Bar was an easy way to get out there without having to be the token queer.

It had been years since I thought about those guerrilla bar outings - heck, it's been years since I set foot in a bar of any kind.  But this past Saturday, as I sat playing with my two year old and his baby sister at a popular playspace I had a sense of deja vu.  You see, I was there with a group of LGBT parents - and at a certain point I think we may have outnumbered the non-queer parents.  I'm used to be being the only lesbian at the playground/baby gym/music class/story time - and it felt unfamiliar to be in the majority.

Our group holds events regularly at kid-friendly places around the city - and yes, a dozen or more LGBT families show up at a family-oriented attraction.  Last month we attended an event at the aquarium, in warmer weather we've visited the zoo, and each year we have an event at a local waterpark.  The goal is not to "take-over" it's just to gather and let our kids play.  The parents get to talk about queer parenting (or not, we just as often talk about sleep, poop, or any other universal parenting topic) and the kids get to interact with other families that reflect their own.  No big gay agenda - and yet, there we were, being unintentionally subversive.

As I looked around at my fellow queer parents, no one was doing anything particularly radical.  A pair of fathers were engaged in a rousing game of peek-a-boo.  A baba built a block tower with a toddler.  A mother was spooning puree into a baby's mouth.  I did spy a parent using a plastic corn on the cob as a pretend telephone - that was perhaps crossing over into radical territory.

Our playdate was so mundane, and yet, it was quietly revolutionary.  Simply existing as a queer parent is so often tacit activism.  Just being present in the world.  Perhaps crossing out mother/father on a form when it doesn't apply.  Answering (sometimes intrusive) questions about the creation and make-up of our family for the millionth time with a patient smile.  Gently explaining we are both the parents when someone is struggling to piece things together.

I won't lie, living in a teachable moment can cause poster parent fatigue - and that's one reason it's so nice to get together with other parents that understand that.  Of course, I'm all too aware that the burden isn't mine alone - kids are much more aware than we realize, and they too, pick up on the subtle cues pointing out we are different, perhaps even unwelcome in some circumstances.  These guerrilla playdates are an opportunity for them, too, to let down their guard.  Hopefully seeing a playground full of families like their own will instill a sense of normalcy that might otherwise be difficult to assure them of.  My toddler revolutionary has enough on his plate.

Wordless Wednesday: Scenes From Election Day

Casting Our Ballots

Getting Out The Vote

It's still called door-knocking
even if there is a doorbell

We may have taken more than
our fair share of stickers

Watching the results come in

He didn't stay up late enough to find out that Obama won - but he was proud that Pennsylvania went blue.  I don't know if he will remember this day when he's older, but I'll be sure to tell him the story of how he was part of history.

Feliz Dia De Los Votos!

Today is the big day!  Make sure you get out the polls, vote and then come home, get comfy and watch those results roll in.  Let's hope they bring good news and prove all that hard work (did I mention that jb knocked on 257 doors yesterday!?!?) paid off.  

You may have noticed that I've been posting more than usual lately.  I'm participating in NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) and it's kicking my butt!  I'm not convinced I'm going to make it all the way to the end of the month without missing a day, but it already has given me a nudge to post some things I've been putting off and some things I probably wouldn't have otherwise.  So already a successful exercise.



I'm also THRILLED to share that I've signed on as a contributing editor at the newly re-vamped, re-launched LesbianFamily.com.  I'll be posting over there on Fridays, so be sure and check it out.  Even better, jump in and get involved!

• If you have a queer (or ally) family blog, list it HERE.
• If you want to submit a post, you can do that HERE.  (Cross posts welcome!)
• If you want to thank our first sponsor with your $$, check them out at Mabel's Labels.

We've got high hopes for what we can accomplish as far as building and fostering our Queer family community -but we can't do it without you, so please do stop on by. 

You Are Gonna Vote, Right?

I imagine it's pretty clear that I will be voting on Tuesday.  It should also be obvious that I will be casting my ballot for Barack Obama.  In fact, I will be voting the straight democratic ticket, as I usually do.

Sometimes it's difficult to care about a lot of issues - to have intersecting identities and be part of different communities that may find themselves at odds from time to time.  LGBT issues, immigration reform, schools and education, healthcare, the right to organize, women's rights, a living wage, , preserving peace...  There are so many things to care about.  So many issues and causes fighting for attention, funding, and action.

For this presidential election though, my choice is easy: I am SURE that Obama will make better decisions about ALL of these issues that Romney would. EVERY SINGLE ISSUE that is important to me: Obama is on the right side. I will cast my vote with confidence.  

I imagine that if you read this blog you are a winning combination of someone who is open-minded, smart, and cares about my family.  I don't need to join the chorus of phone calls, door-knocks, ads, and mailings reminding you to vote - or who to vote for.  But just in case - just in case it slipped your mind.  Just in case you were wondering where I stood.  Just in case you are interested in my opinion of what you should do.  I'm voting for Barack Obama this Tuesday and I hope you will, too.  

Election Season Bustle

Our Family with Rev. Jesse Jackson

jb has been busy at work in the months leading up to the election - and so have we. The latest thing jb has been working on is a Get Out the Vote rally that was held right here in West Philly and featured the Reverend Jesse Jackson.  Cool, right?

It took place at Malcolm X Park yesterday (Leo now thinks there should be a playground at every rally) and included a picnic and live music.  The weather was gorgeous - so I walked over with the kids to meet jb.  (She had spent the morning visiting two radio shows and five churches with the Reverend - a pretty packed day)

Silly Song Switch-Up Saturday: If I Had A Diaper

We love to sing in our house.  Kids songs, popular songs, classic songs - and most importantly, songs we make up.  We have a song for just about everything.  Usually, we take an established favorite and change up the lyrics to fit the task/occasion/feeling.

I thought I'd share some of these songs and their lyrics.  Also - this might be good to have on record for when Leo and Zoe hear a song on the radio twenty years down the line and are very confused about the lyrics - "Wait, are you sure this song isn't about Mr. Potato Head?"

What's cool is that Leo is starting to do it on his own.  Perhaps he isn't yet the most poetic lyricist, but it's pretty hilarious.  "Old McDonald had a SANDWICH! E-I-E-I Mayonnaise!"

I'll begin with sharing a song that we sing often - especially when changing diapers (A LOT of our songs are about diapers) or eating a snack.

If I Had A Diaper

Sung to the tune of:  If I Had A Hammer As Performed by Peter Paul and Mary

If I had a diaper
I'd change it in the morning
I'd change it in the evening
All over this house
First I'd change Leo
Then I'd change Zoe
Then I'd watch the love between a brother and a sister
All over this house

If I had a toy
I'd play in the morning
I'd play in the evening
All over this house
I'd play with blocks
I'd play with the xylophone
Then I'd share it with my brother or my sister
All over this house

If I had a snack
I'd eat it in the morning
I'd eat it in the evening
All over this house
I'd eat some cheddar bunnies
I'd eat some carrot sticks
Then I'd offer some to my brother or my sister
All over this house

Well I've got a diaper
And I've got a toy
And I've got a SNACK (clap) TO (clap) EAT (clap)
All over this house
We'll read about justice!
We'll dance for freedom!
Then we'll sing a song about the love between a brother and a sister
All over this house

We get pretty into it.  Adding the "Hoooooooooooouse....Ooooooooooooooh" cadence.  And when we get to the "snack-to-eat" part we really break it down.

In 80 Days We Decide

Eighty days 'til election day - and it's a big one.  Do you know who you are voting for?  What issues are most important to you?  I'm not a single issue voter.  There are a wide range of issues I care about. The different facets of my identity impact my perspective on these issues.  I'm a Latina (and the daughter of an immigrant), I'm a lesbian, I'm a mother, I'm a 5th generation union member, I'm a woman, and I'm invested in my local community.

Radical Toddler

It seems Leo wants to follow in jb's footsteps as a rabble-rouser.  He clearly has been paying attention whenever we attend rallies - evidenced by how lately he has been chanting while he plays.  It's adorable - and I'm pretty impressed with his retention of the words and melodies that we hear at protests.  Some of his favorite chants include:

"Hey, hey! Ho, ho! Corporate greed has got to go!"
"Banks got bailed out! We got sold out!" (today he asked jb, "what 'sold out' means?"  It's unclear if he has any idea what 'bailed out' means...)

But his current favorite is to lead this call and response gem:

"What do we want?"
"Justice!"
"When do we want it?"
"Now!"
(x3...or more)
"If we don't get it?"
"Shut it down!"
(x3)

Check him out in action below:



Our little revolutionary.

Happy Pride!

Today Leo, jb and I rode on the Philadelphia Family Pride trolley in the Pride Parade.  Leo had a blast waving, throwing candy and taking in all the sights and sounds.  I must say, riding a trolley is the way to do the parade with kids.  You've got a place to sit, shade, and you don't have to walk the entire route.

As we rode the trolley and watched the crowds go by (young couples making out, groups of friends brunching, outrageous outfits) I thought about how my experience of Pride has evolved over the last fifteen years.

Don't You Know What Causes That? *Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge*

I'm at the stage in pregnancy where I am obviously pregnant (read: large and swollen) and visibly uncomfortable.  Add to that the rambunctious toddler I always have in tow and I have gotten a lot of sympathetic looks and comments.

(Sidenote: I've also gotten a couple impatient honks because apparently I wasn't moving my pregnant butt and my two year old across the crosswalk quickly enough even though I have the right of way - Philly drivers, you are the woooooorst.)

Mostly comments have been along the lines of, "You sure are going to have your hands full!" or "Hope that little guy is a good helper!"  I usually just nod and smile.

Toddler at the Polls: I Voted!

In Leo's not-quite-two years on this earth he has been to the polls to vote with us five times; The first when he was just two days old.

It's important to us that he sees us participating in the political process and we hope to instill a strong sense of civic duty.  After all, what would be the point of all those rallies and protests we take him to if we didn't exercise our voice on election day?

This week was Pennsylvania's turn to vote in this year's primaries and Leo was more engaged than ever in the voting process.  He is able to help us push buttons, recognize the names of several candidates, and afterwards he proudly pointed to his sticker and told everyone "I voted!"

I know he's still not able to understand the complexities of democracy (although I wouldn't be surprised if he's explaining the electoral college by 2016) - but it is really neat to watch him absorb more and more with each passing election.  It's also nice to have the poll workers recognize him and make a fuss about how big he's getting.

I hope all the pieces come together for him in a meaningful and personal way.  And if someday his views are different than ours, I hope I can be proud that we taught him how to think critically and independently about the issues facing our country and community.  I will at least try really, really hard to see it that way.

More, More, More

Wanna read more from West Philly Mama?  I've got some guest post action happening around the web:

1.  I'm doing another 8-week series over at Cafe Mom: These are so much fun to write!  I'm writing about life balance - which I don't always feel totally qualified to do.  New posts go live on Mondays - I hope you will check them out.

2.  I wrote a piece on Marriage Equality on Baby Center: So awesome to have the opportunity to talk LGBT issues on a mainstream parenting site - still, the wide range of opinion in the comments reminded me how lucky I am to live in a progressive and urban area.

And of course, I will still be posting here, so stay tuned.

Politics at the Dinner Table

Family Hug

For the last couple weeks we've been hosting jb's brothers (the ones that live here in Philly) for Sunday night dinner.  We all cook, eat, and talk together and Leo is happy, happy, happy having so much family in our home.  It's been especially nice, because even though Leo and I see the boys fairly regularly, jb is usually at work, and rarely are we all in the same place at the same time.

As we cook we talk about our week, Leo - and inevitably, politics.  It's nice because we are all generally in the same camp - but with enough different viewpoints to keep the conversation interesting.  It can get pretty lively, but never disrespectful.  I really like that Leo is listening in on conversations like this - because they are hard to find.  Most of my friends have similar politics as me - and we talk politics, but we rarely disagree, so our discussions don't usually have a devil's advocate perspective.

On the other hand I have some friends and family with drastically different political views (and some that aren't very engaged/knowledgeable when it comes to politics).  In those cases I tend to avoid political talk because, well, it just isn't enjoyable.  It can be downright hurtful.  Politics is very personal to me (I imagine it is for most people, and particularly those that are facing votes/referendums/legislation on their families) - and I find it hard to hear people I otherwise care for espouse viewpoints that I find hateful and that directly attack my family.  And I'm not only talking about LGBT issues.  Still, I do think that there are certain relationships that are worth preserving despite what might otherwise be insurmountable distances.  These relationships are important to me for a variety of reasons, and I am able to love these people - although it feels like love at arm's length.  Does that make sense?

I was talking about this with jb and I was proclaiming with confidence that while I don't think politics should be a deal breaker for having someone in your life in any capacity, I could *NEVER* be married/partnered with someone that held mostly right wing views.  jb quietly listened as I (perhaps somewhat self-righteously) went on and on about how it was so far beyond my comprehension how some people were profoundly intimate with people that they disagreed with on such important moral issues.  Until finally, I prompted jb with, "Right? Can you imagine?"

"That's what I used to think about religion," jb answered.  (jb was raised devoutly Ukrainian Orthodox.)  Well, that certainly stopped me in my tracks and made me think again.  Of course we have been able to find mutual ethical values and life philosophies even if we don't share a major and important framework for those values.

I guess you should never say never.  Which is one more reason I think it's important for Leo to grow up around open and respectful discussions with differing viewpoints.  So I'm hoping these Sunday night dinners become a standing tradition - where we push each other to see an alternate side of the issue, eat delicious food, and end with an awesome family hug.

Santorum Attacks Gay Parents. Again.

Written in Early January, but not posted until now:

Last week, while on the campaign trail in New Hampshire, Rick Santorum was quoted saying that a parent in prison was preferable to a gay parent – citing specifically children “without fathers”. As a lesbian and a mother I found this statement particularly offensive and I hope other parents did as well.

Not only is Santorum’s assertion that gay parents are unfit profoundly hateful, but it has been proven to be untrue. The U.S. National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study, spanning 25 years, found that children in lesbian homes scored higher than kids in straight families on some psychological measures of self- esteem and confidence, did better academically and were less likely to have behavioral problems. Findings have also shown that our children are happy and experience a virtual absence of child abuse.

Still, I try to be open to all sides of an argument, so I began to ask myself, could there be some truth to Santorum’s suggestion? I mean maybe he’s on to something. As my toddler leaves infancy in the dust and tries on his independence, he has become increasingly vocal in his critiques of my parenting. Some examples that have provoked his reproach:

• When he asked me for cookies for breakfast and I outright refused serving him oatmeal instead, he loudly expressed his displeasure. 
• When it was time to leave the park and I cut his swinging short, he made it very clear that we were not on the same timeline. 
• I won’t get into specifics, but: bedtime. It’s not pretty.

Alright, obviously this is a bit tongue in cheek. I have made some mistakes and decisions I’ve regretted along the way – as all parents do. But, like most parents out there, I love my kid and I’m doing everything in my power to give him the best start in life. There isn’t an ounce of me that believes the fact that he has two loving parents that happen to be of the same biological sex puts him at a disadvantage. As far as Rick Santorum? This is just one issue on a very, very long list of things that I disagree with him about. It will be interesting to see how the republican primary shakes out. While I’m pretty certain I won’t be voting for the Republican nominee, the race will be an important one for our generation and the nominee will set the tone. Who are you rooting for?