My Chat With Jaime Grayson At MommyCon

(Disclosure: I was invited to attend as a guest of MommyCon)

This past weekend MommyCon was in Philadelphia and they invited me to attend and sit down for a chat with Jaime Grayson, aka The Baby Guy.  I jumped at the opportunity because 1. Cloth diapers, babywearing, breastfeeding and natural parenting are my jam and 2. I've long admired Jaime's honest brand of baby expertise, LOVE that he's an out gay man working in the baby industry....AND is a strong (but non-judgmental) advocate for natural birth, breastfeeding and other natural parenting issues.

When I arrived at the hotel to register I knew I was in the right place because there were about a gazillion (give or take) parents (and not just mommies, as the name of the conference might imply) wearing their babies in the lobby.  Upstairs in the expo hall I was thrilled to see so many of my favorite companies and brands in one place.  There were national brands like Ergo and Motherlove as well as local businesses like Cloth, Nest, Fancy Cloth and Soapbox Holistics.

Soapbox Holistics and Fancy Cloth are companies with West Philly
roots and their products are available at Cloth.

Loved seeing Ergo represent!

Have you checked out CLOTH in South Philly, yet?

There is something really powerful about being in a space with like-minded parents.  I know I'm very lucky to have a network of parents right in my own neighborhood from which to draw insight and advice about natural parenting topics.  I spoke with some parents who travelled a long distance to be among other babywearers and breastfeeders and cloth diaperers.  I love that MommyCon is such an awesome resource and haven for people who might feel isolated in their parenting choices.  I know I made some great connections - I hope others seeking to connect did as well.

There were workshops and plenaries dedicated to natural parenting issues of all kinds - the ones I was most excited about were, of course Jaime's talk and the Normalizing Breastfeeding presentation by Jessica from The Leaky Boob.  I can't believe I was lucky enough to sit down to lunch with them (Luke's Lobster, if you were wondering) and pick Jaime's brain a bit about what it's been like for him as an openly gay man in his line of work.  Here are some highlights from our chat:

They both look adorable, and I kind of look
like a serial killer, but it's the only picture I took, so...sorry.

Do you think being gay gives you a unique perspective vs others in your field?
Absolutely.  I think it's weird to think about what the perspective is.  I'm more in touch with things than most people by nature.  I was raised by a single mom so I've always been very in tune with women.  I grew up in the south hearing in church that I was awful, so I understand what self-worth is on a different level.  So I don't know what comes from my own internal sensibilities vs. how being gay has informed my openness and acceptance of others.


Have you ever experienced discrimination because you were a gay man working with families (either homophobia from straight families or misogyny from the gay community)?

No.  I am very fortunate.  The families that have hired me have been wonderful.  I have friends who have had clients that were very demanding and awful, but because I'm a little bit more of a personality, known for being easygoing and gay, families are on board with who I am.  When I was in retail I got some flak because I don't have kids, but because I'm very opinionated and matter of fact, people know that my opinions are backed up with facts. People trust me.

Have you worked with any/many queer families? Any take aways from that experience?

Yes, it's interesting because it's made me aware of the different options out there for me should I want to start a family.  I recently worked with a gay single dad who used a surrogate. He was just the coolest guy.  When we talked for our first phone consult we talked for four hours and not about baby stuff.  We talked about life and politics and it was fun.  I love working with families that have gone through adoption or surrogacy.  They are one of my favorite family groups to work with because the energy is so different.  It's not like "Oh, we got pregnant and now we are having a kid."  It's more like, "We have worked our ASSES off to have a family."  And it's just the most special thing in the world to work with those families.

One thing I really appreciate about your work is that while you are widely known as a baby gear expert, you are also very knowledgeable about birth and breastfeeding as well.  Did you ever considered being a doula or an LC?

I was my sister's doula when my nephew was born.  I started my certification process to be a doula and I also signed up to go through the process of becoming a CLC, just for the knowledge because I thought no one would want a male lactation consultant - but I've actually have people interested.  I've gotten lots of emails asking if I could be a doula, but I just don't have time for it, unfortunately.  

I LOVE your lists of what moms and babies "need" - it wasn't "a $2,000 stroller!" but rather "a place to sleep and diapers" (with a shout out to cloth, even!).  As someone who works reviewing baby gear how do you balance that minimalist mentality with a consumer driven business?  Is it difficult to be clear about what parents need and don't really need while working well with brands?

I think brands respect me for it.  I don't have exclusivity with brands.  I work with everyone openly.  I will travel to headquarters of companies and train them on their competitors and because they know I will work the same way with every brand they like me.  It's a very open relationship I have with everybody.  They know my recommendation can't be bought and it's not something I just throw out there.  If I work with a product, regardless of price point, I make sure it's a good match for that family.

Would you like to be a parent one day? If so, how do you envision that journey?

I know I want to adopt.  Nia vardalas from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, she adopted and she wrote a book about it and it's beautiful.  I think it's one of the best books I've ever read just about parenting.  I was reading it and crying on the plane - it's just a beautiful, beautiful book.  When the time comes for me to have a family I'm very excited.  I'm also scared because I know every company on the planet with try to send me everything like they did for my sister.  I don't have a five year plan - not for work or family.  I do know that personally I don't want to do it as a single man, because I saw how hard it was for my mom.  Even if I had all the money in the world and all the support, I still think it would be hard, so I'd like to wait until I have a husband - but I'm never in town long enough to date anyone!

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Thanks to MommyCon and thanks to Jaime - I had a great time!

Babywearing: My Two Cents

I'm not a babywearing expert by any means, but babywearing is a part of my everyday life and over the last couple years I've had the good fortune to try out a few different types of carriers.  I recently had a request for an overview of my carrier preferences (Hi Hannah!) so I thought I'd write up some thoughts on each type of carrier I've had the luck to use.

This won't be a comprehensive babywearing post - I will assume that you already know the benefits of babywearing and the basic types of baby carriers.  Rather this will be a bit about how each carrier has worked for me, my body, my lifestyle and my kids.  Everyone has their preferences and these are mine.  Two main things that have affected my preferences are convenience (this is among the top reasons for just about every parenting-related choice I make and size/comfort (I'm a size 16/18 with a large bust and I've found some carries more comfortable than others for my body type).

Zoe: Two Months

Length: 25.75 inches (90th percentile)
Weight: 11 lbs. 15.5 oz. (75th percentile)

That's 1 lb. 9.5 oz and 1.5 inches in 27 days!  That's my girl!  Go boobs!  Take that nervous pediatrician!  Anyway...  Here are the vital updates on the big Z-O-E:

ERGObaby Bundle of Joy Review and Giveaway

Happy Babywearing!

I am thrilled to be hosting my very first giveaway!  I'm even happier that I'm partnering with a company and product that I truly stand behind for it.  For over two years now I've used, loved, and recommended Ergo carriers.  I recently joined their blogging team and now I'm so glad to be able to offer West Philly Mama readers a chance to win their choice of an ErgoBaby Bundle Of Joy which combines an original or organic Ergo carrier with a matching infant insert (such a good idea - especially for gifts or registries).  Are you expecting? Do you have a newborn? Do you know someone who is/does? Do you like to wear your baby?  Well, then you are in the right place.  

Labor Day Festivities

  On Labor Day our family marched in the parade  and Leo was very excited about it because our contingent included a drill team.  He spent the entire route staring at the drummers and dancers.  We didn't last very long at the picnic afterwards, but long enough for Leo to take in the boats (and ducks) on the river from Penn's Landing.

10 Beliefs: Shaping My Parenting Philosophy

gratuitous baby bum shot

While I identify strongly with many of the principles of Attachment Parenting (complete with the cloth diapering, babywearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and natural childbirth) there are also some ways that my parenting choices might differ from other AP parents.  I try to think proactively about my parenting and verbalize what my goals and hopes are.  So beyond the attachment principles, the obvious and basic (keeping him clean and fed and warm), and the end product (a happy, decent, kind man) - what do I want to guide my parenting?  I'm still figuring out the details of my parenting style, but here are some basic principles that guide my parenting choices: 

1.  I believe in having high standards for my child, but also in showing understanding, patience and compassion should he not meet them every time.  Likewise, I believe in setting lofty goals for ourselves and realizing that if we fall short we are probably still headed in the right direction. 

Peek In My Diaper Bag

I think what someone carries around with them says a lot about them.  I carry a lot around.  Sometimes I wish I could pare down to essentials - one diaper, my phone, and wallet in a cute little purse/satchel.  Other times I imagine upgrading to a huge diaper bag where I can fit even more crap to haul around.   Currently, I'm somewhere in between using this bag:

Jetsetters

Whoa. What a trip. This post will mostly be a photobomb with minimal commentary.

Travel day.

Darker and Colder

Daylight is scarce and the temperature is dipping lower and lower. I'm missing our daily walks, and I know Leo is, too. We try to get out here and there, but the wind really makes it hard to walk too long and Leo's poor cheeks get chapped.

jb is out of town for the weekend so it's just me, my little sidekick and Uncle Daniel. Leo has reconnected with his love for napping - as long as I stay close, like, really close. So that combined with the chill in the air makes for a lot of cuddling under the covers.



Leo has recently had a major influx of toys. One of our new neighbors was clearing out toys that her kids no longer use and we were lucky enough to get a couple bags of hand-me-downs. Leo is in toy heaven and it's great timing for us, since we are staying at home more and more because of the weather.

I wouldn't say Leo didn't have many toys, but well, he didn't. We've never bought him a toy. Ha, that sounds awful. Abi has bought him a few and he has a few stuffed animals from his baby shower and some other miscellaneous gifts - but mostly he just has a lot of books. Which he loves - but I think he was kind of amazed by the invasion of brightly colored, flashing, singing plastic things.

It's cool because we are learning about what he likes and what we like - and don't (that telephone that sings "who is calling, who is calling" over and over may disappear soon...) One thing he's loved is the exersaucer (which we half-jokingly refer to as the ring-of-neglect), which is something I probably never would have bought from a store. He will happily play there on his own for 15-20 mins, which is perfect to throw in a load of laundry, fix lunch, or flip through a magazine. And I like that it keeps him off the floor because after playing on the floor for a while his hands and feet (which seem to be allergic to socks) begin to feel like ice cubes.

When we do make it outside I wear him in a carrier or wrap and just zip my coat up around him - good thing I stretched it out so much when I was pregnant.

Even indoors he loves to be wrapped up tight against me while I do things around the house.

He recently had his 6-month well-child pediatrician's appointment. He weighs 17 lbs 2 oz and is 26.5 inches long. Both stats put him at just above average. His teeth are looking good and the top ones should be coming in the next month or two. We did finally find a pediatrician's office here in Philly. They are nice. Fine. Good, even. I just miss our Pittsburgh practice.

Leo is also wearing shoes regularly - which is the most ridiculous thing ever, but they help keep his socks on his feet.
He's continuing to try new foods, but still it's mostly just a bite here and there. Some go over better than others.

As I type he is sleeping soundly beside me. As long as I sit here next to him, he will sleep peacefully and deeply like an angel. Of course if I try to sneak away and have some time sans baby he will wait about 10-15 mins (enough time to get invested in a TV storyline or get started on a sewing project) and then begin crying until I return to bed to nurse him back to sleep. So I've pretty much resigned myself to hanging out here in the bedroom. I've got my computer, my phone, and my library book. Good times. He's lucky he's cute.

Gratitude

There is so much to be thankful for this year. We are healthy, happy, surrounded by family, and finding our way out of some of the difficulties we've faced over the last few years. Of course the reason I'm most thankful is that we have Leo with us this year.

Oh, how I'm grateful for baby toes...


We had a great day. Jb's family joined my family for dinner so we could all celebrate together. I think that alone is a pretty significant thing to be grateful for. Many people have to choose between their families on holidays, but we are fortunate enough to be able to celebrate as one big family. Aunt Fanny and Uncle Jared were missing from our immediate families - and we missed them a lot, but I'm pretty impressed that we got five Burgans, five Teleps, and one tiny Burgan-Telep gathered for a meal.

The day began with cooking and cleaning. Leo helped by hanging out in the Ergo while I helped tidy and set up our tables. The dining room isn't quite large enough to accommodate our group, so we cleared out the family room so we could fit comfortably.



I think it turned out really nicely.

We started the meal off with dezerbeds - a Burgan family tradition. "Dezerbeds" is (as the story goes) how jb spelled hors d'oeuvres as a child and she and her brothers would create elaborate finger food creations for the adults to sample.

I need to work on my game face for some of the interesting combinations - like the apple and pepperoni...

Luckily, I've got some time to work on it - Leo is still up and coming, and the next youngest of our families are already pretty adult. The youngest Telep, the yougest Burgan and the youngest Burgan-Telep:

The youngest girl and the youngest boy:

Even though, Leo can't make dezerbeds yet, jb made sure that Leo wasn't left out of the festivities. Jb created a feast of harvest fruits and veggies - all of which were on the grown-up table also.


He didn't eat too much at the table - but afterwards he gave it a good go. He especially loved the pear!

We took the opportunity to take pictures of the families - in retrospect I wish we would have gotten one with everyone in it - but by this time Leo was pushing bedtime and I'm glad we were able to capture what we did.








Happy Thanksgiving!

We are happy, We are happy on this day...

Today was gorgeous. It's mid-November and the temperature was nearly 70 degrees. We took advantage by taking a long walk through the neighborhood. We stopped by Milk and Honey to join in the monthly sing-a-long. The post title is the chorus of the first and last song we sing there. (Aunt Fanny and Uncle Jared have accompanied us to these sing-a-longs in the past, and they can vouch that it's a pretty good time.) Leo like the singing, but especially loves watching the older kids. Leo also loves shopping for produce. It must be the colors and textures - but several times during the toughest parts of teething I'd throw him in the carrier and walk over to the grocery store and let him explore the fruits and veggies. Speaking of fruits and veggies - Leo is just days away from turning six months old which (in addition to be half of an entire year!) is when we plan to begin introducing solids. Yikes.


Did I mention today was gorgeous? The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect, the leaves were beautiful.




Leo and Talula are bffs these days. Leo scoots right over to her bed or crate and Talula proceeds to lick him from head to toe. It's a little gross and a lot cute. I'm really glad we have such a gentle, patient and loving dog. I'm never worried she will snap at him or even growl. Of course I keep a close eye on them, but Leo could take food right out of her mouth and she wouldn't skip a beat. I am trying to set some boundaries because I don't want him to think all dogs are like this and reach into a strange dog's food bowl. Still, I'm so glad he's going to grow up with a dog, and I don't think there could be a better suit dog for him than Talula.

Big Picture, Bigger Picture

I wish I would have begun this post before the election results started rolling in - because now I'm in a funk. This election cycle I haven't been as entrenched in the fight as in past years (shout out to my HRC campaign trail peeps), but jb certainly has invested a lot of time, energy, and hard work - so we are pretty bummed by many of the results.

Anyway - Leo and I went to the Library yesterday where he had a blast pulling all the books off the shelf. We often take our afternoon walk over to the part of our neighborhood that has the post office, bank, and library. It's so nice to be able to walk, run errands and spend some time at the library.


Today we went to vote as a family (Uncle Daniel, too - he's just behind the camera). This is actually Leo's second time at the polls - his first was when he was only two days old. This time around he was much more interested in the process and I was able to snap a couple pics because we got a curtained booth.




Leo continues to be cuddly. He's definitely still working on that second tooth. I saw a bit of blood in his mouth today and he's been feeling around there with his tongue again. This tooth is coming in much slower and it hasn't been quite as traumatic as the first one - as least so far. He's a little trooper. And I'm a lucky mama.