My Chat With Jaime Grayson At MommyCon

(Disclosure: I was invited to attend as a guest of MommyCon)

This past weekend MommyCon was in Philadelphia and they invited me to attend and sit down for a chat with Jaime Grayson, aka The Baby Guy.  I jumped at the opportunity because 1. Cloth diapers, babywearing, breastfeeding and natural parenting are my jam and 2. I've long admired Jaime's honest brand of baby expertise, LOVE that he's an out gay man working in the baby industry....AND is a strong (but non-judgmental) advocate for natural birth, breastfeeding and other natural parenting issues.

When I arrived at the hotel to register I knew I was in the right place because there were about a gazillion (give or take) parents (and not just mommies, as the name of the conference might imply) wearing their babies in the lobby.  Upstairs in the expo hall I was thrilled to see so many of my favorite companies and brands in one place.  There were national brands like Ergo and Motherlove as well as local businesses like Cloth, Nest, Fancy Cloth and Soapbox Holistics.

Soapbox Holistics and Fancy Cloth are companies with West Philly
roots and their products are available at Cloth.

Loved seeing Ergo represent!

Have you checked out CLOTH in South Philly, yet?

There is something really powerful about being in a space with like-minded parents.  I know I'm very lucky to have a network of parents right in my own neighborhood from which to draw insight and advice about natural parenting topics.  I spoke with some parents who travelled a long distance to be among other babywearers and breastfeeders and cloth diaperers.  I love that MommyCon is such an awesome resource and haven for people who might feel isolated in their parenting choices.  I know I made some great connections - I hope others seeking to connect did as well.

There were workshops and plenaries dedicated to natural parenting issues of all kinds - the ones I was most excited about were, of course Jaime's talk and the Normalizing Breastfeeding presentation by Jessica from The Leaky Boob.  I can't believe I was lucky enough to sit down to lunch with them (Luke's Lobster, if you were wondering) and pick Jaime's brain a bit about what it's been like for him as an openly gay man in his line of work.  Here are some highlights from our chat:

They both look adorable, and I kind of look
like a serial killer, but it's the only picture I took, so...sorry.

Do you think being gay gives you a unique perspective vs others in your field?
Absolutely.  I think it's weird to think about what the perspective is.  I'm more in touch with things than most people by nature.  I was raised by a single mom so I've always been very in tune with women.  I grew up in the south hearing in church that I was awful, so I understand what self-worth is on a different level.  So I don't know what comes from my own internal sensibilities vs. how being gay has informed my openness and acceptance of others.


Have you ever experienced discrimination because you were a gay man working with families (either homophobia from straight families or misogyny from the gay community)?

No.  I am very fortunate.  The families that have hired me have been wonderful.  I have friends who have had clients that were very demanding and awful, but because I'm a little bit more of a personality, known for being easygoing and gay, families are on board with who I am.  When I was in retail I got some flak because I don't have kids, but because I'm very opinionated and matter of fact, people know that my opinions are backed up with facts. People trust me.

Have you worked with any/many queer families? Any take aways from that experience?

Yes, it's interesting because it's made me aware of the different options out there for me should I want to start a family.  I recently worked with a gay single dad who used a surrogate. He was just the coolest guy.  When we talked for our first phone consult we talked for four hours and not about baby stuff.  We talked about life and politics and it was fun.  I love working with families that have gone through adoption or surrogacy.  They are one of my favorite family groups to work with because the energy is so different.  It's not like "Oh, we got pregnant and now we are having a kid."  It's more like, "We have worked our ASSES off to have a family."  And it's just the most special thing in the world to work with those families.

One thing I really appreciate about your work is that while you are widely known as a baby gear expert, you are also very knowledgeable about birth and breastfeeding as well.  Did you ever considered being a doula or an LC?

I was my sister's doula when my nephew was born.  I started my certification process to be a doula and I also signed up to go through the process of becoming a CLC, just for the knowledge because I thought no one would want a male lactation consultant - but I've actually have people interested.  I've gotten lots of emails asking if I could be a doula, but I just don't have time for it, unfortunately.  

I LOVE your lists of what moms and babies "need" - it wasn't "a $2,000 stroller!" but rather "a place to sleep and diapers" (with a shout out to cloth, even!).  As someone who works reviewing baby gear how do you balance that minimalist mentality with a consumer driven business?  Is it difficult to be clear about what parents need and don't really need while working well with brands?

I think brands respect me for it.  I don't have exclusivity with brands.  I work with everyone openly.  I will travel to headquarters of companies and train them on their competitors and because they know I will work the same way with every brand they like me.  It's a very open relationship I have with everybody.  They know my recommendation can't be bought and it's not something I just throw out there.  If I work with a product, regardless of price point, I make sure it's a good match for that family.

Would you like to be a parent one day? If so, how do you envision that journey?

I know I want to adopt.  Nia vardalas from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, she adopted and she wrote a book about it and it's beautiful.  I think it's one of the best books I've ever read just about parenting.  I was reading it and crying on the plane - it's just a beautiful, beautiful book.  When the time comes for me to have a family I'm very excited.  I'm also scared because I know every company on the planet with try to send me everything like they did for my sister.  I don't have a five year plan - not for work or family.  I do know that personally I don't want to do it as a single man, because I saw how hard it was for my mom.  Even if I had all the money in the world and all the support, I still think it would be hard, so I'd like to wait until I have a husband - but I'm never in town long enough to date anyone!

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Thanks to MommyCon and thanks to Jaime - I had a great time!

Perspective: #ClothDiapers

Once, early in our cloth diapering career (yes, we are still using cloth diapers full time!), I had a conversation with an acquaintance who was fascinated with the fact that we put reusable diapers on our baby.  She kind of thought we were insane, but I didn't care because I took any excuse to talk about cloth diapers.  Best case scenario: maybe I'd convince her it wasn't totally icky. Worst case scenario: I get to talk about cloth diapers!  Win-win.

She asked question after question.  "Do you have to touch the poop?"  "Do you have to use pins to keep them together?"  "Do you carry a dirty diaper around with you if change him while you are out?"  "Does it take a long time to change a cloth diaper?"

Eventually our conversation turned to our washing routine.  I told her about our awesome wet bags that could hold a ton of diapers, didn't stink and were easy to carry to the laundry room or travel with.  I told her all about the special soap we started using and how we love it so much we started using it on all our clothes and linens.  Suddenly a horrified look crossed her face.

Acquaintance:  You don't wash the diapers with the rest of your laundry do you?

Me: Oh goodness no!  I wouldn't think of it!

Acquaintance:  (nervous laughter) Oh thank heavens.  For a second I thought you just threw it all in together!

Me:  (laughing along with her)  Ewwww.  No way!

We giggled a bit more...and then it hit me.  *She* thought the idea of putting the diapers in with our other laundry was gross because she thought there would be poop all over our clothes.  *I* thought it was gross because all the residue from our antiperspirant and other toiletries would gunk up my cloth - not to mention the synthetic dyes and chemicals that may be on our clothes ruining my organic cotton inserts!  

Well, at least we agreed that it was a bad idea.  I did of course assure her that I wouldn't keep putting the same diapers on my baby's bum if I wasn't confident that they got totally clean when we washed them.  I'm sure the diapers - and anything washed with them are sanitary.  

These days I've relaxed a bit and we do mixed loads of diapers and other laundry - but I still wouldn't use a detergent with an added fragrance!

Spoils Of Christmas

Scenes from Christmas Day

We had a fantastic (first) Christmas.  We spent it at my parents' home  and it was filled with family, friends, food, gifts, and joy.  This is the first year that Leo is really understanding things and watching his anticipation build for Christmas day was awesome.

The darkest days of winter calendar certainly helped draw out the excitement and he was really looking forward to seeing the whole family and to giving the gifts we'd worked on over the last few months.  As for receiving gifts, of course he was thrilled - but it was a bit of overload for him.  I thought we were doing a good job of not overdoing the gifts, but it did get away from us a bit - add to that the gifts from other family members and it was a little overwhelming.

Silly Song Switch-Up Saturday: Someone Has A Stinky Butt

This gem is sung to the tune of "London Bridge" and has been in rotation at our house since Leo was Zoe's age.  Usually in our house the acceptable terms for one's posterior are limited to bum, dupa, or nalga - but for the sake of poetry we allow this song to include the word "butt."

One might also object to the manipulation of the word "wipe" - but we all make concessions for our art.  Plus, we will do just about anything to get through a diaper change without any tears.  (I did mention that many of our songs are in the diaper genre.)

Zoe: Two Months

Length: 25.75 inches (90th percentile)
Weight: 11 lbs. 15.5 oz. (75th percentile)

That's 1 lb. 9.5 oz and 1.5 inches in 27 days!  That's my girl!  Go boobs!  Take that nervous pediatrician!  Anyway...  Here are the vital updates on the big Z-O-E:

Tiny Diapers

Two of Leo's current diapers and two of the diapers we have ready for bug. That is all.

Flying to Mexico with a Toddler

Early-early before the trip started

Leo and I are in Mexico visiting family (awesome, right?).  The trip down wasn't too bad - although the only thing I have to compare it to is the last trip when I was alone and we both had the stomach flu - so I figured it couldn't get much worse.  This time we are healthy and we've got Abi on our team.  We came armed with a long list of distractions (snacks, crayons, new small toys, playdough, books, songs, and even a couple episodes of Sesame Street in Spanish loaded on the iphone) and used every last one.  He didn't love spending six hours on the plane, but between the bag of goodies, Abi, and walking up and down the aisle - he survived.

He slept through most of the first short and early flight.  The second longer one was a little more trying.  The four hours felt like an eternity - but overall he was a real trooper.  The crayons and playdough were the biggest hit - and he was so excited to have unlimited "special" snacks like dried fruit and puffs. Surprisingly the TV episodes didn't hold his attention, but I think perhaps we waited too long and he was done sitting still by that point. 

10 Beliefs: Shaping My Parenting Philosophy

gratuitous baby bum shot

While I identify strongly with many of the principles of Attachment Parenting (complete with the cloth diapering, babywearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping and natural childbirth) there are also some ways that my parenting choices might differ from other AP parents.  I try to think proactively about my parenting and verbalize what my goals and hopes are.  So beyond the attachment principles, the obvious and basic (keeping him clean and fed and warm), and the end product (a happy, decent, kind man) - what do I want to guide my parenting?  I'm still figuring out the details of my parenting style, but here are some basic principles that guide my parenting choices: 

1.  I believe in having high standards for my child, but also in showing understanding, patience and compassion should he not meet them every time.  Likewise, I believe in setting lofty goals for ourselves and realizing that if we fall short we are probably still headed in the right direction. 

Peek In My Diaper Bag

I think what someone carries around with them says a lot about them.  I carry a lot around.  Sometimes I wish I could pare down to essentials - one diaper, my phone, and wallet in a cute little purse/satchel.  Other times I imagine upgrading to a huge diaper bag where I can fit even more crap to haul around.   Currently, I'm somewhere in between using this bag:

A Day in Diapers

Oops. I completely forgot I planned to do a day in diapers pictorial today and didn't start snapping pictures until the second diaper change of the day. Well, here is (most of) the day:

After his morning nap in Grobaby (now Grovia) Seaside Stripes

Travel Notes

There is so much from the trip that I want to write about - I'll do my best to cover the stand outs, but I'm pretty sure there is no way I can pack it all into one post (a week after getting back). Here's the rundown:

Jetsetters

Whoa. What a trip. This post will mostly be a photobomb with minimal commentary.

Travel day.

And We're Back

I should warn you, I may go a bit picture crazy. A lot has happened since I was last able to properly check in, so I'll do my best to do a general run down.

Jb has been working very hard. Leo loves helping daddy work, and it's becoming clear where he gets his serious face.




Of course Leo's smiles are coming more easily everyday. He even flashes them at strangers these day. He's even laughing regularly, which is just the best sound ever.


We've continued to have regular visitors - which I love!



Leo has grown out of almost all of his clothes. He's huge. We had to make an emergency run to the store to buy some new larger clothes because it seemed to happen literally overnight.


We've been exploring our new city and attending lots of political rallies.





We are still going strong with the cloth diapers.

We've established a bedtime routine. Nothing too fancy, but it's nice to have bedtime cues for Leo so he winds down at the end of the day. Basically we change his diaper, maybe have a bath, put on pjs, brush his gums (maybe with teething tablets if he's having a rough day), snuggle into bed and read a book and sing a song.


We made our first trip home to Pittsburgh since the move. We also had a pediatrician's appointment for Leo (yes the office is worth driving 300 miles for!). He's healthy, got some vaccinations, and is still of average height and normal but lean weight. Leo loved spending time with grandpa, pops, abi and his aunts and uncles. Most of all, though, Leo found Abi's fish positively fascinating.



We had plans to go to DC for the One Nation rally, but due to a flat tire we didn't make it. It's really too bad, because I made Leo a shirt to wear for his first march on Washinton.


Our apartment is starting to feel like a home.





Uncle Daniel moved in. It's been great to have him around. He's been really helpful with watching Leo, preparing meals and lending a hand with the housework. He is picky about his title though. He doesn't like it when I call him our live-in Manny, and he doesn't like being called mommy's helper - so since we share the domestic and childcare during the day I thought he might like being called my sisterwife. Somehow he's not digging it. Picky picky picky.


Pops brought Leo back an entire wardrobe of Cowboys' gear from his trip to Dallas.


In other news, Leo is teething up a storm. Nothing has broken through yet, but he is clearly working on it. We've been using frozen teethers, his amber necklace, and on especially rough days, Humphrey's teething pellets. Mostly he's been a champ, but on some days it does get the best of him and he breaks down into a puddle of fussiness.

I've been out and about with Leo meeting new people in the neighborhood. We've been going to the baby and me yoga class, attending a local breastfeeding support group, taking walks, and checking out the library and sing-a-longs at Milk and Honey. I'm starting to feel like we know people, even if just by sight.

Leo is scooting around all over the place. He is also starting to get up on all fours pretty regularly, but isn't sure what to do once he's up there. He's blowing raspberries and going "ahhhhhh" when we pat his mouth so it sounds like "ah-ah-ah-ah-ah". He's giving loud, long, slobbery kisses and biting on anything he can get in his mouth. Love him.

Camping with Cloth

Laundromat Fun

I finally broke down and took the diapers to a (funky ass) laundromat in a nearby town. I got a blister washing them by hand! Although the sun IS a miracle for getting out poop stains! Anyway. The trip was worth it because Leo LOVED watching his diapers spin in thr dryer.

Laundromat Fun

Threes

We are camping this week at Raccoon Creek State Park. We rented a fancy cabin (complete with bathroom and kitchen) and jb, Leo and I are here with my parents and siblings for a week. We are celebrating three months (Leo) and three decades (me). Don't worry Leo got his birthday pizza party even here in the woods. Tradition!

We are having a great time. Leo loves loves loves the lake. He likes hanging out on the beach and splashing in the water. He loves campfires. He loves hikes. He loves being outside so much. But most of all he loves having a ton of family around to hold and adore him.

He laughed for us for the first time this week, which was positively magical. He's enjoying sitting in his bumbo chair and his current favorite toy is a stuffed bear named Dugal. The cloth diapers are proving a touch challenging while camping, but we are sticking it out. Next time though, I will probably buy the disposable soaker that you can use with the grobaby/grovia covers.

On the Philadelphia front, we got an apartment!! It's great. Almost everything we wanted and only about ten blocks north of where we wanted to be. I'm really excited to make it our home. I'm trying not to think too much about the impending move though, so I can just enjoy our first family vacation :)

One Month!!

Yesterday Leo turned one month old. I can't believe it's been a month already. At the same time it seems like Leo has always been a part of our family.

To celebrate we had Grandpa, Uncle Nick, and Abi over for pizza and cupcakes.
Leo also got his first birthday present - which he kicked around a bit before dinner.It's amazing how much he's developed in this short month.

Some milestones we are pretty proud of:

• We've stuck to the cloth diaper plan. As of today, Leo has never worn a disposable diaper. We can't promise we'll stay purists ;) - but I'm really proud of us for making it this far; especially through those first couple of crazy weeks. Big shout out to jb for doing ALL the laundry.
• I've stuck to (exclusively!) breastfeeding. As of today, Leo has not ingested anything except for my breastmilk. Granted we've had to be creative here and there (nipple shield, pumping and bottle feeding, taking herbal supplements to boost my supply), and we may hit more rough patches that we won't make it through without supplementing, but so far, we are doing it!
• We are getting really good at nursing in public. Just this week, we've had successes both indoors and outdoors. Sometimes we still struggle a bit with the latch-on, but after that we are golden. Despite one or two people giving us the stink-eye, I'm on my way to becoming an all-out lactivist.

Some examples of how he's growing up:

• He can lock eyes with you and follow your movement.
• His hair is much lighter - and has some reddish tints in the sunlight (and lots of cowlicks!)
  
• He is already making his favorites known to us: his favorite book so far is The Very Hungry Caterpillar; his favorite songs are That's Not My Name by the Ting Tings and the Fraggle Rock theme song.
• We are far from a predictable schedule, but there is now hope that one day we might be able to regain some predictability.
• In addition to new cries and non-crying sounds like his 'agoo,' he has begun to ask for food without crying. He'll tug and kick at me, not making a sound, to try to make his needs known.
• Tummy time is yielding some pretty significant head lifting.